It has taken me a long long time to accept that my life is just what it is. Like many, I have spent way too much time wishing for things and beating myself up for choices I have made.
I always knew that horses would be in my life and for the most part they have been. Like many people, it has not been easy and there have been times where I have struggled to keep my animals. What I had a hard time accepting was that I was never going to be that rider or horse person that changed the world. I have finally accepted that was just not meant to be, as it was not who I am. I can only change my thoughts and actions to make a difference to those around me.
When I was growing up, I knew I had a passion for horses, but never considered pursuing a career in them. (At that time, I was told time and time again that you needed to be rich and I believed that I was neither smart enough or talented enough to become rich or have a career in horses) Even though I had found a way during my youth years to be around horses and learn to ride.
I have always found a way to ride but like many was I was so focused on the outcome and not the journey. From riding six Shetland ponies bareback one summer to borrowing horses for Pony Club to owning an OTTB that I bought for less than $200 and worked 2 jobs to be able to keep, I did not believe what I was doing was valued. It was just what I had to do to ride.
When I think back, I cannot thank the mentors and horse owners enough, that saw my passion and allowed me the experiences I had growing up. From riding in what is now a provincial park, taking the cross country fences, playing in the creek with the horses, picnics by the meadow, going to shows, doing mock hunts and an overnight ride. The people I was able to grow up with, accepted that passion as I could not.
Like many I lost my confidence after some bad falls and emotional times in my life. But without my horses I am not sure that I would have come to the stage I am now in.
I am about to move into a new stage of my life, I have discovered that I what I am finally about to do, is just feeling right. For the past 5 years I have been taking equine bio-mechanic courses, equine cranial sacro, equine K-taping among other therapy courses, working on horses, and watching webinars from all over the world. (#EquineStudiesNL, #FunctionalHorseTraining, #In-HandTherapy, #AngelsAnimals). When I am with these amazing people and animals I am connecting with not only them but myself.
I know that this is not new to many of you, but to finally discover that it is was not the excitement of the shows, the thrill of the hunt, or even the quiet of a hack, but that connection that makes all the difference. Not that the activities don't matter - if you enjoy those, they are part of the experience. I love watching the beauty and athletic abilities of horse and rider, myself (whatever the discipline). The experience of showing and being on a show grounds is one of my favorite things. I have just learned that it is my connection and experience with my horse, that is important.
I often wondered why it was the time spent in the stables and the fields just listening and watching them that I was at peace. Now as I work with and expand my knowledge of connection and energy of these animals, it is just magical and I cannot wait to see where this journey leads me next.